Time to get real

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HOARDERS WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first entry shall be about the one thing that has engulfed and taken over my life for the past 20 years, Hording! I'm not a hoarder , thank what ever being may be up there looking down upon us in some way maybe influencing our small little lives, but my father and mother are. I grew up in a home consumed by clutter, chaos and stupid stuff. After 20 years of collecting the crap has finally taken over and is beginning to fight back! I'm writing about this because there isn't a person in my world who can actually understand or relate to the overwhelming soul crushing impact this disorder has caused for not only myself but also my sister, nor do they understand the daily battle we must endure just to stay alive. It is for this reason I've decided to speak my mind no matter how jumbled and at times random my thoughts may be.

I've let some people in to my world of crap but have yet to really explain what it is i'm facing thanks to my parents dissorder. In two months my dad could be thrown in jail and my house could be ceased by the town which would leave me and my family homeless and well frankly dead! I QUIT! I've tried to see a bright side but when your only means of support is an ailing sister and the two people who caused the problem in the first place, bright sides tend to dissapear into the ether only to be seen by people who don't have to move 5 boxes of miscelanious tools and bottle caps just to get to the cabbinet for a bottle of ranch dressing. (Ranch dressing, swiss cheese, Bacon and vitamin waters are like crack to me)

Recently steps have been taken to improve our situation but after years of being surrounded by this dysfuction i find myself broken and seriously damaged emotionally and physically. ( piles of crap falling on you tends to hurt haha) I now need to find a way to make peace with my resentment of a lost childhood of stability and normalcy and find a way to move on to the next stage of MY LIFE, not my family's. I'm going to use this blog as a means to face and disscus every issue my family and i run into along the tedious and tramaltious journey we've been taking all in the hopes of reaching our final destionation HEALEDVILLE USA.

I just wish i had a GPS to tell me how to get there lol

When good gifts go wrong

I recently discovered that I have a talent for making super fun decorations and window displays out of paper :)

Because of the amount of time and energy I spent cutting everything out by hand my loving family decided that this year for x-mass they would buy me a brand spanking new Cricut :)

 

This thing is like the Mr.t of paper crafting and even though i've yet to figure out what everything does I absolutely love the darn thing but.......................There's one problem with the practicality of this sweet machine.................................

This, thanks to the hoarders that be, is the amount of space i have alotted for me to actually work on my crafts. FYI that would be the floor of my living room aka my bedroom :(

This is my couch/bed / nook of love/ hobbit hole.... any wonder i'm single??? i think not ! moving on..................................................................................................................

well as you can see my new gadget is literaly 2/3 the size of the space i need to use it in. Now as for my craft supplies, seeing as I have no closet or cubby holes or anything that might act as an easily accesable form of storage I am reduced to keeping all my paper and doo dads like this..............

Go ahead find the paper amungst the jumbled mess of what?? I dare you haha :)  well in hopes of maybe using the kitchen table as my crafting refuge I ventured out to the kitchen, Cricut in hand only to be met with this sight of ughhhhhhh.......................................

A bit disappointed and a whole hell of alot pissed I walked back into my den of solitude, placed my cutting buddy back on the floor and gave up crafting for today :( But worry not my friends I amused myself with one of my favorite past times  ..............................

Oh yes that is a child sized squeeze box and oh yes I do play it (not well ) and frankly it's ridiculousness puts a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart hahaha Like i said everyday in my house is a battle or struggle just to live normally to some extent so how do you cope? You learn to appreciate the small things and develop a very very very good sense of humor :)

solo on v-day not as bad as i thought :)

 

Valentines Day

Wow just when you thought it was safe to be content with your singleness BAM! Valentines Day explodes all over the place surrounding you in a nauseating pink red and white colored world of hearts, cards, teddy bears and roses. Everything you see and hear is constant reminder that you are all alone. Surprisingly, I neither resent nor embrace the Valentines spirit this year. I'm pretty much neutral in the emotional department lately. For the sake of saving some time energy and blog space I'll just cut to the chase. A month ago I had someone special in my life but he felt I wasn't special enough to hang onto sooooooo he Dumped Me. Personally, I think his true motives behind the breakup was just a clever plot to avoid having to buy me a ten pound box of chocolates, but my sisters says he isn't capable of planning that far ahead. haha You may be asking yourselves "Is she sitting at her computer  boo hooing over her recent loss of companionship?"..... Hell's Mofoing NO!!! Shit happens, you move on, get over it and figure out a better way to fend off the next fool with a penis and a short attention span who  tries to, as i like to say "get all up on your awesome."

I'll give him credit though, He hung around longer then I thought he would haha I'd be lying if i said i wasn't hurt a little, (Who wouldn't be?) but I'm not devastated, or crushed, or heartbroken. I'm simply disappointed that a really good guy acted like a huge prick and was unable see my true worth, not as a girlfriend but as a sweet ass friend. He convinced himself he desired a  relationship with me,( red flag #1) once he got what he thought he wanted he freaked out ( red flag #2) Then realized he fucked up and basically ran far far away as fast as he could. Now here is the best part, Instead just fessing up to his huge mistake, he blamed it on his inability to feel real love and his concern for me because he could see I was getting too attached!
Wow after i was able to properly process everything he had to say the only response i could come up with in my head was  " I Call BULL SHIT!"  HaHaHa I still think this but refuse to even waste any more time or energy on even thinking about why. Like i said before shit happens, you move on. My life is chock full of crap already i really didn't need to add to it but oh well i took a gamble. I wish i knew what the hell i was betting on before i put my chips down. haha Ohhhhhhh Crazy Cakes ( that's what i dubbed him in my mind lol cute right?) what a great grand epic Friendship we could of had. One day he'll figure it out, unfortunately I'll never get to see his ahha moment of duh. One can only hope that me losing respect for him will somehow karmicly  hit him in the subconscious causing him to think before he does the same thing to someone else. I'm sending those vibes out now.................don't be a prick....................don't think with your penis................ ............ ...........................When you start something finish it...................................Don't assume you know everything about a person..................................................learn how to see the difference between being attached and just enjoying someones company........................................................................call someone when they ask you tooooo !   hahahaha.............................My point has been made :)

I must go prepare for my night of friends and folly. My Valentines Day shall be spent with a group of people who truly do love and respect me. They are my security blanket when life gets me down. They are my shoulder to cry on when i can't hold the tears in anymore. They are my punching bag when my anger is threatening to overwhelm me and they are everything i need in this world. I love them all and don't have to get naked with them to show it hahaha Happy Valentines Day :) Hope you spend it with someone you really love or care about and don't forget the chocolate! It is a Must :)