A Little Mental Spew-age Before Breakfast

I'm awake before noon, on my day off and complete and utter free rein of not only the computer but the house for the next 8 hours......................WHAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........my eyes have yet to open fully and my hair is in the same disheveled mess that only a full nights rest can form it into and I'm still waiting on the coffee to brew but i shall seize this moment of unadulterated ME time and use every minute of it to finally get back to spewing my unique and whacked out views of the world I live in.

Big News and Scary Truths...........


My family problems have now snowballed into catastrophic disasters that have literally rendered us incapable of living any type of normal lives. My father is facing financial ruin due to taxes and is being bullied even worse then before by the towns lovely go F yourselves board of i don't give a poop people to get the house cleaned which is all raining down on his head like a monsoon causing him to shut down emotionally physically and mentally. Getting him to see this has become and epic battle between me, my sister and him. we've reached a standstill and have lost any real hope that our problems will ever be solved before any of us die. A  bit dramatic you may say but true none the less.
  Amongst all this despair and doubt something recently happened that spurred and glimmer of sunshine to gleam through the gloom. A very real, very possible chance to get some big time Help with my fathers hoarding has landed in our laps. I'm talking a cleaning task force, therapy, professional organizer and a fully functioning living environment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the big news and half of me wants to do cartwheels around my house in celebration but for fear of breaking every limb on my body I'm settling for a small one armed fist pump show of triumph..WORD! we need this help not just so we can get the place clean but because i need to feel for the first time in 8 years that my family can be safe and OK. Everyday I'm filled with anxiety over what will happen to my family when i leave.
   The scary truths are in order to get this help we as a family will have to expose every little detail about our lives to the world. The life we've been living, the life my father and mother have kept hidden from everyone for over 15 years, the life I've been running from every chance i can, this life would be unmasked and put onto display for everyone to see. That scares me and makes me feel unsure about excepting the help BUT I'm out of options and will do whatever it takes to get my family the life and love it deserves. We aren't bad people, or disgusting trash. My parents aren't criminals but yet in a court of law they are labeled as such and that disgusts me beyond anything else in this world. In order to help my father we will have to hurt him in some way by forcing him to finally face his demons and I'm almost in tears just thinking about seeing my Loving Dorky kindhearted father going through the harsh reality check of how bad his disorder has disrupted our lives. The Guilt will bring him to a state of dis-spare and i won't be able to snap him out of it. I can only pray that we as a family with the help of friends can be strong enough for him and supportive enough for him to ensure that he can come out of this whole thing in one piece. I love My Crazy Junk hoarding Daddy :(
        Coffee is done and I have a window display to finish..............this Def isn't my most poignant  post in the history of ever but hey at least i wrote something hahaha

Time to get real

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HOARDERS WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My first entry shall be about the one thing that has engulfed and taken over my life for the past 20 years, Hording! I'm not a hoarder , thank what ever being may be up there looking down upon us in some way maybe influencing our small little lives, but my father and mother are. I grew up in a home consumed by clutter, chaos and stupid stuff. After 20 years of collecting the crap has finally taken over and is beginning to fight back! I'm writing about this because there isn't a person in my world who can actually understand or relate to the overwhelming soul crushing impact this disorder has caused for not only myself but also my sister, nor do they understand the daily battle we must endure just to stay alive. It is for this reason I've decided to speak my mind no matter how jumbled and at times random my thoughts may be.

I've let some people in to my world of crap but have yet to really explain what it is i'm facing thanks to my parents dissorder. In two months my dad could be thrown in jail and my house could be ceased by the town which would leave me and my family homeless and well frankly dead! I QUIT! I've tried to see a bright side but when your only means of support is an ailing sister and the two people who caused the problem in the first place, bright sides tend to dissapear into the ether only to be seen by people who don't have to move 5 boxes of miscelanious tools and bottle caps just to get to the cabbinet for a bottle of ranch dressing. (Ranch dressing, swiss cheese, Bacon and vitamin waters are like crack to me)

Recently steps have been taken to improve our situation but after years of being surrounded by this dysfuction i find myself broken and seriously damaged emotionally and physically. ( piles of crap falling on you tends to hurt haha) I now need to find a way to make peace with my resentment of a lost childhood of stability and normalcy and find a way to move on to the next stage of MY LIFE, not my family's. I'm going to use this blog as a means to face and disscus every issue my family and i run into along the tedious and tramaltious journey we've been taking all in the hopes of reaching our final destionation HEALEDVILLE USA.

I just wish i had a GPS to tell me how to get there lol

When good gifts go wrong

I recently discovered that I have a talent for making super fun decorations and window displays out of paper :)

Because of the amount of time and energy I spent cutting everything out by hand my loving family decided that this year for x-mass they would buy me a brand spanking new Cricut :)

 

This thing is like the Mr.t of paper crafting and even though i've yet to figure out what everything does I absolutely love the darn thing but.......................There's one problem with the practicality of this sweet machine.................................

This, thanks to the hoarders that be, is the amount of space i have alotted for me to actually work on my crafts. FYI that would be the floor of my living room aka my bedroom :(

This is my couch/bed / nook of love/ hobbit hole.... any wonder i'm single??? i think not ! moving on..................................................................................................................

well as you can see my new gadget is literaly 2/3 the size of the space i need to use it in. Now as for my craft supplies, seeing as I have no closet or cubby holes or anything that might act as an easily accesable form of storage I am reduced to keeping all my paper and doo dads like this..............

Go ahead find the paper amungst the jumbled mess of what?? I dare you haha :)  well in hopes of maybe using the kitchen table as my crafting refuge I ventured out to the kitchen, Cricut in hand only to be met with this sight of ughhhhhhh.......................................

A bit disappointed and a whole hell of alot pissed I walked back into my den of solitude, placed my cutting buddy back on the floor and gave up crafting for today :( But worry not my friends I amused myself with one of my favorite past times  ..............................

Oh yes that is a child sized squeeze box and oh yes I do play it (not well ) and frankly it's ridiculousness puts a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart hahaha Like i said everyday in my house is a battle or struggle just to live normally to some extent so how do you cope? You learn to appreciate the small things and develop a very very very good sense of humor :)