Don't Worry World I haven't Died Yet!
Me and Winter have been mortal enemies for years upon years. The instant it becomes less then 40 degrees outside I begin my hibernation process and all creative motivation vanishes. My seasonal depressive tendencies coupled with the extremely confined condition of my humble abode plus my recent traveling adventures for work have all added up to a major mental and physical shut down for this gal. Sorry for the massive lapse between posts. This is my first attempt at writing since October so wish me luck...........
a lot has definitely happened since October to me and to the crazy band of nut jobs I call family :) Let me start off by say “ Happy Halloween, Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, Hanuka, Merry Christmas and Happy New Years! Oh and Happy Valentines Day just in case.” 3 days after Turkey Day I went on the road, yet again, for work and spent almost a month in Albany NY. It was cold, crappy and I spent half my paychecks on gas alone but I loved being out of the house. While on the road the rents were in and out of court and also in and out of their lawyers office (bankruptcy crap). An extension was given to them yet again for the cleanup and they were 99% sure that the state would not be abler to foreclose on our house. I returned home to a very bitter sister who had been imprisoned in the house of junk for virtually the entire time I was gone and to two very oblivious parents who yet again were to wrapped up in their own junk they refused to see what was happening around them. Yeahhhhhhhh I love hostile loved ones just before the holidays. The icing on the cake had to of been waking up one morning 3 days before x-mass and finding a great big sign hanging on my tree in the front yard that oh so nicely declared to the entire neighborhood that our house was being foreclosed for back taxes and also how much we owed. Apparently the town didn't get the memo from the lawyer about a settlement........or they did and just didn't give a shit................ I wanted to put a huge bow on it and decorate it like a present. It said specifically not to remove the sign but no where did it say “please do not deck this signs halls with some festive Christmas cheer” ….................... the wind blew it down before I could get to it though lol............................... so my pops declared bankruptcy and he and his lawyer set up a payment plan for the back taxes. We no longer are in danger of loosing our house for that reason but ( here's the shocker) WE HAVEN'T CLEANED OUT THE DAM HOUSE EITHER!!!!!!!
Thanks to my new found love life/ boyfriend who lives in another state/disaster zone, a very personal crisis of my own and an overwhelming feeling of being defeated by the world I decided to simply put out some emotional fires between the rents and sis out so we could get through the holidays and ignored the rest of the house until the new year began.
We made it through Christmas and actually had a very decent time doing so. Mommy dearest is currently on weight watchers and is doing great :) 90lbs lost so far! Everyone lets clap for her because honestly I am with all my heart proud of her accomplishments. She's upped her getting out of the room and has even become apart of our family again. Only problem is she has taken over the kitchen and her and my father have become little project addicts which is for the most part OK with me because it keeps mama dukes moving around and a step closer to getting her health under control.
So where do we stand now? I have no f***ing clue!! We and when I say we I mean my father, have yet to do anything productive clean up wise in the past few months. Part of the problem is it being winter. As foreseen by the two brilliant charming Robinson daughters, snow plus deathly freezing weather has literally ceased all get this crap out of here efforts primarily because who the hell wants to move crap in the freezing cold winter? As for where they stand in the courts eyes....... yet a again I have no clue. My sister and I know what areas of the house need to be cleared for the most part but every time we try to ask them about it or about their plans on getting it cleaned or when the heck the next inspection is we get nothing as a response or some gibberish nonsense that is usually a half truth because they either don't want to be scolded by their daughters or don't want us to give our advice. We have tried and tried and tried to help them. Our only goal, though they will never see it this way, was to just get the junk out of the house so the town would finally leave my parents alone. We didn't expect huge radical lifestyle changes but we did insist that some of the “what things stay” power would be entrusted to us. That was and forever will be the deal breaker for us in this situation. Pop's needs real hardcore behavioral therapy but thanks to a life time of living how he want's will never ever ever be able to understand that he does. It sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love my parents and have completely let go off fighting them due to me just not having the energy. Sister sweets is on a war path with them and I can't deal with either sides any more. I just have no answers to offer any of them. I just pray that soon my father will hit a breaking point and finally ask for help. Until that day I only have one choice. Get my stuff in order as best I can and prepare for my future which will not include living here much longer. The biggest of all obstetrical I face is not my parents, because lets be blunt they're fricken adults and if they want to go down in a blaze of stupid glory so be it, but my sister. She is seriously disabled, fighting for the little bit of a normal life she has and is 110% limited to where she can go to get out of here. My mind starts to hurt when I think about the reality of her situation. If I don't help her or figure out a way for her to be taken care of like she NEEDS to be taken care of, then absolutely no one in this world will. Where does that leave her? Huh huh now I'm getting cranky pants here because I'm just pissed that after everything my family has been through there still isn't one ounce of stability for any of us to rely on esp for my sister. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...................................................I'm breathing.....
…........................ thinking happy thoughts like Glee and New York Cheddar potato chips and comfy socks....................................OK I'm better now. Well anywho, I promised I'd dust the bathroom shelves for my sister and my mother is yelling from her room that she needs help reading her e-mails ( double clicking is apparently tricky for my mother the cardiac nurse hahaha). Now that I've somewhat brought everyone up to speed a little I can wrap this entry up yo. Life is a silly thing and I happen to have one of the silliest fate has to offer. I shall do my best to get back to writing again not just because my sister has literally passive aggressively berated me about not writing virtually every day for 3 months but because I forgot how super cathartic it is!! I'm hungry now. Weird I know but typical krissy. I'll be back:)
TLC is re-running your episode of Hoarders, tonight. Right now, so I searched for your blog to see if you had an update. We pray for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm watching your family's story on TLC right now and reading about your experiences here on your blog. This is truly fascinating (reading first-hand insight into living with someone who has such a disorder), and saddening at the same time. I hope your situation improves, and please keep sharing your thoughts and experiences. Also, a huge congratulations to your mother... 90 lbs is incredible! I hope she keeps moving around and improving her quality of life. Stay positive!
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm Jake. I just saw your tlc story. I wanted to say I wish you the best of luck in the future with all your pressures. Things can and will turn around. What you are going through is not a set back but a set up. God has given you the opportunity to turn this around and set you up for an accompishment and satisfaction.
ReplyDeleteRemember you are entering a place for a setup achievements you can't imagine in the ordinary but the extraordinary. Take care... jake
jackc125@comcast.net
I'll add my name to the list of people who watched the show tonight! It's too bad your father hasn't turned, and while jail is extreme (!!), it's too bad that the city hasn't followed through with any of their demands. They don't mean much if you don't follow through with them ;) Hope that you and your sister find a way to move out soon!
ReplyDeleteAdd me as well to the TLC list. I don't know what to say other than that I'm praying for your situation.
ReplyDeleteI saw ur blog as well on TLC. You are in my prayers.. I'll be following ur blog---but truthfully you should write a book about this experience. Perhaps it will help others in similar situations. I'm praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteHi Krissy,
ReplyDeleteI saw your show as well. WOndering if your fatehr would be willing to see a psychiatrist. I think medication might help him cope with the workk he needs to do. Just a thought.
Big huge Thanks to all of you for your prayers and well wishes. Times are a bit difficult for us right now and reading all your supportive comments keeps me motivated and positive and for that i'm grateful as hell :) My father is in fact seeing someone and is on medication which makes the situation a bit worse because he thinks seeing some guy once every two weeks is good enough. we are currently attempting to make him aware that more intensive therapy may be needed and I've straight up nicely demanded that i would like to meet his therapist and sit in on a session. No more more miss. nice hold your hand pop krissy lol lol j/k j/k I just want to get a perspective from the trained professional who is dealing with my father on how to help him and how to improve his coping mechanism. I need everyone to cross their fingers and pray he agrees to the sit down with his shrink man :) I'll keep ya posted.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Krissy!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHey Krissy, I just watched your episode and I'm really sorry to hear that things are still quite difficult for you and your family. I hope that things will change for the better in the near future.
ReplyDeleteOn another, completely unrelated note; and I hope it isn't the wrong time to ask, but I have a question? Have you ever considered doing stand-up comedy? You're really funny and have a great voice in your writing. Just curious; I'd bet you've been asked that before.
Stephon
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI saw the programme on you and your family in the Netherlands yesterday (it is broadcast under the name 'Addicted to collecting' which is a misnomer as it suggests that people are actually making nice collections of teddy bears, dolls, magazines or whatever, whereas hoarding is nothing like collecting at all...) and found your blog after a few clicks on Google. You're obviously in a difficult situation there and it's a bit of a shocker to find that nothing much has changed since that programme was made. It's hard for anyone to grasp how this disorder works, but I do hope there will come a time when all of the stuff is gone and you will have a "normal" (whatever that means) living situation. Best wishes to all of you.
Just watched your show in the Netherlands too. I wish you all the best for the future. You have tried to help your parents so much and there is a time where you have to let go and live your own life, even though that will mean they have to face the difficult consequences. They are your parents, you are not their parent, remember that. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteNetherlands in the house ;)
ReplyDeleteIt seems like your father has a lot of special stuff, historywise and valuable.
Could renting a special place to make a museum or donate it to a railwaymuseum be a solution instead of him collecting more and more ?
I think it would be great for your dad (and the rest of the family ;)) that there would be a place where all his stuff, has a own beautiful place and can be watched by many people.
Then there is a purpose for his hoarding (not only emotionally/mentally).
Or is it too much for him, being departed from his stuff ?
Sometimes you have to make decisions that are hard and don't feel okay. I wish you a life of your own, with your own space and own stuff. Maybe you could rent a house with your sister ?
It will be hard, but you have the right to have your own life after all that caring for others.
You deserve it !
You are a good writer. This journey could be a fascinating book.
ReplyDeletePut a "click to contribute" button on your blog. I'm happy to donate to get you a place to stay.
ReplyDeleteI saw your families show and think you should move out and get your own life. Your sister can work too to help out your family. Many ppl have what she has...she is lazy that's all!!! Mental health issues consumes your family...seek help!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteDefinately time to think about Krisse. Pack your things and get away. You will be more help to your family when you are away from them viewing things in a different perspective. Personally, I agree with your post that your parents are ADULTS and they need to take ownership of this and let you live your life....it is up to you to take this step though, as hard as it is, I think you will realize when you do leave that you should have done it a long time ago. You do deserve a medal though for trying to support your family but it can't be all on your shoulders....not a situation like this. Take that first big step Krisse...just do it!!! Your sister will have to find her way as well....help her as much as you can but make YOU priority number one now, we all can see that it is your turn.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes to you and your family. I hope things turn around for all of you.
S.H.
Canada
Hi, Krissy!
ReplyDeleteWow, I've never responded to a blog before in my life, but I was so compelled by you. What this series points out is that in many ways, the story isn't unique and there's repeats, too, in the family system. You're the "strong, stable" one--you are both truly that and playing that role. I don't doubt for a second that your sheer, deep, true love for every member of your family is endless. I was almost alarmed, however, to not see your anger in all of this. . . maybe that's the role your sister is playing: the angry one. Not to say that you don't get frustrated.
Reading the comments that went before, a few resounded with me: one was about your dad needing both meds and intensive therapy. Another was the (perhaps too blunt) urge to see you move out and not go down with the sinking ship. Easy for us out here to say, though, huh? This is your family, and you love them. I worry for you, though. . . you're taking on wayyyy more than your share.
However: I loved the suggestion above about your being a stand-up comedienne! Bottom line is this: you are a force to be reckoned with. You are a spark, you are gorgeous, funny, articulate, honest and incredibly special. You jump off the screen. You mention Glee-- you look a bit like that terrific character named Britney!
Anyway, I don't mean to ramble, I just want you to know that I think your presence in our living rooms affected many people. You're unforgettable and I wish you all the luck, and more, in the world. You are a treasure and so deserve a full, exciting life. Your parents have made their lives very, very small.
Oh, another comment from a viewer above that I thought of, too, while watching your dad: setting up a train museum! I'm sure even that would be way too overwhelming for him, but doing that, or selling some of those collectibles to at least raise a bit of cash. . . I know, I know, this is my own codependent fantasizing! I also had the urge to get on a plane, find you guys, get a huge pop-up tent, folding tables and bins a-go-go for your back yard and getting stuff out of the house and laid out and then making sure nothing that shouldn't goes back into the house. There are also 6 huge dumpsters in my fantasy. . .
Oh, girl, hang in there and I'll keep checking back. Just know that you're remarkable and it's not up to you to do it all, you're not the parent, and you're entitled to throw some big ass hissy (or Krissy) fits!
xoxo
All the best,
Gal Pal in Mpls (where believe me, many, including myself, struggle with SAD, so I feel ya!)
Hey Krissy –
ReplyDeleteThis is Bill.
Just watched your story on TLC.
this will come in two parts or so ...
too long.
first, thank you for having the brashness to try and push back a the loonicy ... the koo-koo-ness of the story .... well, truly of your parents and sister.
second, i didn't come from hoarders, but your dad's ... need, delusional need for control are ... identical to (decades long) back and forth struggles with my family.
i am the youngest of four boys.
out of a sense of wanting to help and belong etc ...
I worked for my parents for about 15 yrs … teen to 30-something.
during which time i dropped out of my college program to move over for an older brother to finish college 1st ... a total loss,
i finally finished some professional schooling (while working for them)
made $$
tried to invest in my parents and brothers again ... total loss
mom and dad passed away
met and married my wife on a travel assignment.
She too is a cardiac nurse ...
except, she also was getting unstuck from family as well.
i was 40 yrs old when we married.
its been 10 yrs
year after year i understand better and better
just how far i have come and how far we (my wife and i) have come
and also, just how co-dependent all that past business was
third, after seeing you deal with your dad ... having round and round conversations ...
Wait. they are not conversations at all.
they are hair pulling contests of how much insanity can a person take?
its not you honey. its them.
frankly your the most sane one.
Your show takes me back, 10, 20, 30 and even 40 yrs.
i was co-dependent for sure.
recently i have poured $$ into one of my brother’s business ...
enough to buy a 2500 sq foot house ... a nice 3 yr old house
hoping ... believing that we're all grown up now and ready to do good things together ... to show ourselves it is not the same now.
well, it is still the same now.
and worse, i guess is one of the main points.
at 50 ... if i will let my brother, one in particular, will still hang my wife and i for a dime … While still in complete denial ... the very same conversations you had with your dad and sis.
and by the way, non family are often just as bad ... its just that they see you coming with huge hopes for better things. pls observe them as well.
Forth idea, there is you krissy, christ and crazy.
two of you will agree.
if ever i get near or observe conversations and/or stuff like you demonstrated with you family ... i always come back to the same simple question ...
to me, to you, to any one else.
see following post
Do i believe or do you believe, that you or i or any one else,
ReplyDeletewas for any such Madness?
#5) Krissy, you are lovely, and ballsy, and full of heart.
the madness wants to separate you form that.
From you. From your Creator. from your good and great stuff.
most of all it seems to just want to drag you to death....just eat up all the time and energy we will give it.
at 50, i can tell you ... i believe the best way to help anybody,
is to be healthy ... yourself ... first.
years of being alone / single were good to me ...
as dad's Parkinson's crippled him ...
there was nothing left for me to fix.
i.e. ... the business was closed by the sheriff etc.
(he refused and my step mom refused for 20 yrs to address his illness ... hence the parallel to the hoarding thing ... could be anything i think, working too much, not at all, eating, purging ... what ever ... anything that wants to dominate your normal, lovely, boyant, do better and better spirit ... there is stuff from God and stuff from that other guy, the nut job ... it is all the same ... leave the crazy right where you recognized it and go to clean and clear ... the more exposure i had to Christ ... the clearer this became ... an on going clarity).
Any way, for the first time in my life, I had time to and more importantly the quiet to, study and ask Christ to make Himself clear to me and help me move on from where I was.
and i did.
i pray you are well.
if not, please get up.
and go again.
if you're too down,
crawl to some body to help you.
if they are abusers too.
cut it short and go again.
and when you get up,
watch where you're going, but keep going.
it gets easier and easier to chop off crazy.
easier and easier to choose clear and clean.
i believe God's not mad.
He says so.
i believe His point is,
He made us for much better than where we started.
He's already forgiven me for my stupid stuff.
His point is,
I can not bring it with me to where He is,
any more than i could embrace my families madness and live.
God's Peace.
Big Hugs.
and by the way, i think your fantastic.
all my best
Bill
Hi, I'm messaging from the UK I have just seen that crap hole your living and how your father seems to have a want to keep everything. But let's be honest mental issues have taken over him and has his daughter its time you step up to the plate and with your sister take control. For his birthday hire him a skip. And just tell him that's it. And just chuck all the crap out... Ask friends, family anyone who is close to you for help and just do it, and don't give your dad a say so. It will hurt him but it has to be done. Good luck x
ReplyDeleteI am watching your TLC episode tonight for the second time. I have to admit that I am intrigued by your situation. Your father seems like such a nice person and he is crippled by this compulsion to retain objects and continue to purchase more even with impending doom on the horizon. Stay strong.
ReplyDeletei really hope your situation has improved over the last couple of years. you are so much better than all of this. i dont know what id do if it was my family. probably just take a box of crap out of the house every day and bin it around town. good luck.
ReplyDelete