After three long weeks of work in good old Methuen Mass I've finally returned back to the “ Scariest Place on Earth” (REALLY!!! that's the name you had to choose for our episode?????? I just about peed myself when I saw that. Don't get me wrong it's definitely a fitting title just a tad in your face dramatic if used in an everyday conversation setting... example A.............
Me- Hey did you happen to watching hoarding buried alive last night?
Friend- Yes it was very moving?
Me- Oh was it the taking out the trash episode? Or the Sisters clash one?
Friend – Nope it was the SCARIEST PLACE ON EARTH one.
Me – ohhhhhhh that sounds freaky. Where there dead animals all over the place or where the hoarders just freaks?
Friend – No nothing like that. They were normal people, their basement was just jammed pact with a lot of crap and had some sweet cob webs and spiders.
Me – Well that's anticlimactic hahaha
….....................................................................AND …..................SCENE !!! )
Friday, October 22, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
AS SEEN ON TV.......Well not yet but soon
The only thing I can say about this whole experience is, wow my sisters ring looks really kick ass. I'm attempting to look very deep and poetic while fake typing. OMG this is ridiculous but dam amusing all the same. It's taking a massive amount of effort on my part to be serious right now. Oh I feel a laugh coming on..at least I have this little pink computer plugged in now and I'm not just typing on a blank screen. I hope I'm pulling off a seductive hot typing vibe or at least I appear presentable and un- super uggo..............ahh now time for some deep thoughts.. nope none are coming to mind except for the genuine concern I feel for the man named Pablo who has been given the basement to shoot. I haven't seen him for a few hours now and I fear he may come back up a very changed man, or missing a limb, or speaking in tongues or he may never resurface again. to Pablo I say good job brave man, I appreciate your effort and hard work. If the basement hasn't eaten you I will buy you a beer later =0 OK we rapped taping for this scene ( how Hollywood professional do I sound right now haha) onto the next which involves your truly watching TV on my couch of awesome but with the TV muted.....................oh man the stupid things on the fishing and hunting channel which is just as boring if not more so without sound blahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ....................hmmmmmmmm
That little rant of random was the product of me attempting to look as natural as possible while a perfect stranger with a camera squatted in front of me and tapped me doing my “usual couch activities” which by the way have never involved writing my blog. If by some small chance there is an actual clip of me watching TV in the show I must set the record straight and inform all who will listen that
I do not, nor will I ever, recline on my couch like Cleopatra being mildly entertained by her least attractive man servant.....typical Krissy position is sprawled out, comfortable ( usually in some strange contorted leg up on the back of the couch position) and chances are as unattractive as possible. (side note half way through filming me lounging all regal like the camera started to frig up which in my mind was due to my oh to sexy posing)
When I do watch TV, everyone in the house knows it. I lack the ability to keep my thoughts and reactions to myself hahaha the worst is “so you think you can dance night.”For 2 hours you'll hear nothing but laughter, some times tears, massive amounts of clapping and or out raged comments of disagreement with the judges, all spewing forth from me living den of awesome (I got my father and a few of the crew members to actually refer to the living room as that and I'm not ashamed of this fact ...nope not at all). Very rarely am I just sitting their channel flipping with out an ounce of amusement or reaction. I may be portrayed as such and just wanted to take this opportunity to give ya all the real deal low down on me and my I don't really give a poop what I look like mentality that I usually display 90 % of the time esp in the morning or after work.........you're welcome.... hahaOnto the good stuff
First up, I shall provide for you a list of everyone who was involved in this epic 5 days of filming glory.
Krys- Director Extraordinaire (when ever you see us talking on camera it's her we're talking to. It was that or sock puppets) She has the patience of a saint and a great sense of humor which worked well with my family. She's also the one bent over backwards to make this all happen for us even after my father had to cancel the first time. I can't even begin to express my eternal gratitude for her and everyone who worked with us and gave us this chance to finally get to the roots of our troubles. Any apprehension I might have had about doing the show Krys made vanish and allowed us all to really feel comfortable with the entire process. She actually cared and it showed. I would like to say thank you again to Krys. You my friend are a rock star in my book for ever and ever :)
Natalie- Assistant Director/ tape girl / errand runner/ secretary / super cool Patio buddy for Krissy when outside was the only non filming area to be. ( we discovered the true value of small spray fans and extra large watermelon umbrellas for summer time survival.) If Natalie lived in CT I would totally recruit her for my BFF club of joy even if she is the reason for my newly discovered addiction to Red Bull and sugary snacks. Dude I Luv U hahaha
Brett- Primary Camera Man and Ukulele Owner (I must mention my utter disappointment that I was not informed Mr. Brett had and could play a Ukulele until the final day of shooting....Dude I could of broken out my mini accordion and had a small instrument jam session but noooooooooo...whatever...there's a chance he may be back for the follow up shoot and then it shall be on yo!)
Pablo- Second camera man, Light guy of glory (clamp lights were placed in areas of my house that have not been touched or looked at in years. Their sudden appearance led me and my sister to theorize that both Pablo and Brett are magical beings from some alternate TV production reality which allows crew people to dematerialize piles of junk in order to place their equipment where need be then they rematerialized the crap back into place.................that or Pablo happens to be a phenomenal monkey climbing fool and Brett has really long flexible arms....either is an acceptable explanation for their talents ) Basement Warrior.
Mike- Sound Man aka “Mike with the Mics” ( it may be cheesy but it's still pooping funny to me so judge as you might the humor is still there) not only can Mr. sound man pull off the whole 25lb front toting sound equipment box look he also happens to be a fellow geek and provider of a few mental melt down moments of hilarity.... bravo sir bravo.
Kosmo- Big Jib camera dude ( for those of you who aren't AV tech savvy a jib is a big ol camera on a crane like device that can get those wide steady swooping shots. Kathryn wanted to keep the Jib forever but had to settle with a bunch of pictures haha ) Kosmo was not apart of our merry group of nut jobs for long but the time we spent together was quality bonding due to us all being trapped in the house thanks to the mornings rain fall. I dub him Sir Jib Man with a kick ass name.
Jen- Therapist and my little anti hoarding Angle. Jen was asked last minute to fill in for her coworker who had to cancel due to her husband becoming ill. Jen was super great and a trooper and had to come all the way from Long Island just to talk to our loco bums. Not only was she sweet she was also a tremendous factor in making pops McGee see the entire picture of his disorder andddddddddd she gave us some great guidance about dealing with our family's future anddddddddddddddddd ( this is the biggest achievement of the extravaganza) SHE TOOK AN ANTIQUE CRYSTAL RADIO THINGY MABOBBY FAR AWAY FROM MY HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! High five women, I heart you.
Carrie- Professional Organizer ( she's actually here right now working with dad) this lovely woman has been assigned the task of working with my father and mother for the next month on cleaning and the proper way to go about it. Already I applaud her for her determination, professionalism and ability to spot dads silly logic train processing. Keep up the good work my friend :) (yo she just schooled him in front of me hahaha love it )
Now you know everyone, onto the having your life filmed for 5 days thing........................It was an eye opening experience..........a 110% surreal............dam funny …..............a tad unsettling for the piles of junk at least ….........and the first positive thing that has happened for my family in over 10 years.
It took five days to shoot, 4 days to recover from and 2 days to fully process the whole ordeal in my head and I now owe it to myself to sit down and let my thought spew forth.
What Taping a Reality TV show About My Fathers Hoarding Has taught ME:
Living in the living room, even with huge piles of junk dubbed the “the great walls of solitude” is by far the greatest aggravation I face daily due to our living arrangement. Big issue was the fact that my area happened to be the only place in the entire house that had any real form of space or seating which meant it was the hot spot for equipment stashing and solo in house interviewing. I had anticipated this so I was def prepared for being relocated to other places. What I wasn't prepared for was the simple fact that I had to get up every day super early, plan my bathroom breaks with filming, being tapped first thing in the am without coffee in my blood stream or makeup put on my face and oh yeah little heads popping up from various areas of my house while I was attempting to get clothes, get dressed or simply play my wii. I'm use to the lack of privacy but the complete disruption of my personal routine was really f-ING exhausting. ( don't worry though. Revenge was mine when my crafting supplies, which have been stored and stacked at the end of my oh so attractive love nook couch, decided to forge a vicious attack on the camera crew............twice................my stuff is just as in-tune with me as my fathers crap is with him haha)
After years upon years of telling my father that he has become consumed by his disorder he finally is willing to not only listen to us but is also done making excuses for it. He's changed, not just for the show but for real for real changed. His entire demeanor has transformed back into the man I know as my pops. Michael Robinson is not only my father but one of my favorite people in the whole world. I've always been daddy's little girl and will be so forever. I love him and hated myself for fighting with him about the hoarding. He was so lost into his world of junk and clutter he couldn't see how much we wanted to just help him not hurt him. He hated what he was doing but didn't know how to stop which made him retreat even further from us entirely. The cycle has been broken and the silver lining has been seen...hallelujah I got my popples back........
Mama Dukes is still crazy, still an emotional ball of spit fire but she's finally ready to become part of the family unit again. She has many obsticals in her way and must relearn how to function like a typical human being with out my fathers being her man servant ( by the way my mom is and will forever be the queen bee of my house hold and frankly i'm in awe of her and my fathers relationship. They are best friends and true loves who fight like lions but never lose sight of their love and never take for granted their relationship. Now if only we could get them out of the house more often to go socialize with people other then the two blonde whack jobs they spawned..............baby steps right?) Ridiculous as this may sound I can't wait to get super annoyed with my mothers nagging and questions. I also can't wait for the day when I can go talk to her about something with out giving a 20 min explanation as to who and what I'm talking about, because hopefully she'll be out of the room and apart of our daily discussions...oh and not having to end every conversation with having to do a random task like get her a yogurt from the fridge would be bloody awesome thank you very much. Love you mommy....;)
Krissy Robinson + HD cameras + Bright production lights = Nothing but Trouble.First day of shooting, the camera Brett was using, all day mind you, crapped out momentarily during my lounge session on the couch. The next day, the very same camera was used to tape my fathers interview first then mine. Literally 4 questions away from finishing my Q&A fest the lovely piece of machinery actually broke entirely and fried out a charger thing in the process. At this point I turned to Brett and Krys and boldly explained that my sexiness is obviously to much for the camera to handle and therefore my utter hotness fried the poor thing. Brett didn't seem to think this was a valid cause for the problem so we decided to just agree to disagree, but I know the truth my friends and now so do you haha. My 1 ½ hour long interview turned into 3hrs but I was given a carrot cake cupcake with a gummy bear on top as a reward for sitting in a chair talking. ( the irony of being thanked for talking for 3 hours, seeing as speaking whether it be to myself or anyone around me is my favorite hobby and greatest talent nowadays is by far enough hilarity to keep me amused for awhile.) anywho.....................ah yes, I'm to shiny for close up shooting, which means I've got oily skin and when you shine a bright light on my face the effect is not so beuno for HD TV hence my need to carry my powder compact with me at all times. Brett aka “makeup artist” was constantly slathering powder all over my nose all while I'm voicing my complaints that he's just trying to dull my radiant bright and shininess which is like dampening who I am as a person. I was joking of course. The funniest thing that happened occurred when he hopped up on the back of the couch and tried to get an over the shoulder shot of me typing. He kept trying to adjust the position of my little laptop on my thigh and I couldn't figure out why until finally he looks at Krys and says “ I'm just worried that there might be to much sun light thigh for a family discovery program.” hahahhahahahahahahahaha I told you all that I was to dam sexy for TV now I know that my right thigh when lit properly is highly seductive too. Thanks to everything that has happened during my on camera time I've come to the conclusion that maybe reality TV isn't the best way to go about being famous seeing as me and the camera have a very volatile relationship. I shall stick with random public access shows until a sitcom drama slash comedy comes my way hahhahahahaha
while the filming was happening we still had to do normal things like run errands, laundry ( down at the laundry mat thanks to a broken dryer) keep tabs on everyone's mental stability level, get everyone fed ( dude not gonna lie, having a crew of people get you food daily for free was Def a sweet bonus to the filming process ) and the basic everyday typical things. Thanks to me being the only non-broken person in the house other then my father a lot of these tasks were left to me seeing as pops McGee was 90% of the time needed for filming. By the last day I was drained of all energy and emotions and left to face a lot of realities. I love my family and they are truly all I have in this world but I can't keep living for them and forgetting about myself. I really have put my life on hold for them and accepted a lot of stupid arrangements just to help ease a bulk of pressure off my father. I also have sacrificed a lot of my self in an effort to keep the peace in the house. I've become a mediator, counselor, distractor, provider and main means of financial/ emotional support in a home that I can barely live in myself. My free time is no longer mine. Simply writing outside alone is usually interrupted, nightly plans have to be coordinated with my sister due to her needing my car. My days off have become mom and Kathryn's doctor appointment days and I'm constantly rushing around desperately trying to do what I want to do before I have to answer to someone else. I have no control over my life and frankly I'm ready to change. I'm not my parents keeper nor did I birth Kathryn so why do I act like it. It's been a really rough life for us Robinson' s and making it better isn't going to be easy but it can be done I just can't be in the center of the storm any more, not if I want to get my own crap together. I'm just really tired but I will muster up every ounce of energy to help my parents and sister get the life they deserve. I love them they are my family and have done everything they could to help me so I will continue to return the favor but without giving up my own goals in the process. We are finally on a productive, healthy track and I'm here to keep nudging everyone along it not lead the way with a marching band haha. It's time to get my Krissy on yo! Watch out world.
So many things happened thanks to the show and now it's just a matter of time to see if there will be a permanent effect on my family. My hope for a better future is def increased by 90% but I know there is still a lot of the war to be fought. We're strong, smart funny honest people just trying to get back to enjoying our time spent on earth. The rents actually have to go to court on Monday ….....grrrrrrrr....................................................fingers crossed everyone. I'm pep talking dad into standing up for himself for once, he's so timid it hurts, he's nervous but has continued to keep the clean up process on track and organized. I'm so proud of him and love him with all my heart. He above all us deserves to be happy. I'm going to go hug him now......................I'll keep ya all posted on the next happening in the Robinson house of loco :)
P.S. No matter how they decide to edit our 40 hours of footage together, I would like it to be known that my life, though at times pathetic does involve more then just waking up, going to work and blogging. hahaha
Saturday, June 12, 2010
IS THE WORLD REALLY READY TO " MEET THE ROBINSONS" ?
Reality TV has come along way since the first season of the Real World on MTV years and years ago. Now we have the luxury of watching bounty hunters catch bad guys, family’s of sextuplets and twins raise their children, people singing their hearts out or dancing their legs off, Random nobodies being locked in a house with strangers for months on end or other “who the hells is you locos” getting shipped off to a remote island so they can do ridiculous challenges, for a host who always looks sparkling clean even though they are in the middle of a nasty bile filled jungle, all for the chance to get toilet paper and a cheese burger haha. Now, America has been given a chance to take a peek inside the lives of family’s dealing with the overwhelming life hindering problems that result due to duh.. duh… DUH ……………..Hoarding!!!!
Well guess what? One of those family’s is going to be my family! We begin tapping in less then 20 days……………………go ahead wrap your head around that last statement………has it sunk in yet?…….wait for it………Ah there ya go friends now your on my wave length here J Yup my big TV debut is going to be because my Fathers a Hoarder!
Whahoooooo…. All of America is going to get a front row seat into our lives and see how ridiculous our living situation is all while outsiders attempt to help break through my fathers oh so crazy lord of the crap fog that has taken over our house and resulted in daily battles with toppling piles of junk…………… Should be fun ha …..or at least highly informative and I’m hoping for the sake of my family a huge turning point in all our lives. (Fingers crossed, please please please!) If anything, I’m totally convinced that if the production crew can first make it through the front door with out running for cover, let alone four days of tapping in the abode that fights back they will be rewarded with some A1 top notch Robinson family footage that will completely open the worlds eyes up to a whole new ball of hilarious insanity. Our one shared gift amongst the Robinsons is our out there quick as whip humor and our ability to find the funny in anything. I just feel bad for the film crew because Kathryn and I tend to use sarcasm and flat out goofballness to cope with stressful situations which means when they go to tape those classic “ heartfelt I’m in pain because my fathers hoarding is killing me” scenes it might take a few tries due to our inability to stop laughing. Well, that’s not entirely true. If Kathryn is asked the right questions will she’ll start flowing out the tears like the sobbing sap ball woman she is ( In a good way Kathryn, not in a I think you’re a ridiculous sobbing mess of emotions way, but in a Kathryn is very in touch with her feelings and a sensitive caring person kind of way J I love you I love you I love you…..don’t hit me) I on the other hand only cry after a really great episode of The Biggest Loser ( I have no idea why but for some god forsaken reason I get choked up when the contestants do, it’s like I too am a 360lbs women just trying to get my life back or something hahaha ) or when I’m drunk and someone pushes the emotional buttons orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………… when I’m so overwhelmed or hurt that I can’t hold back the tears but even then it’s rarely in front of anyone unless they catch me off guard ( or are breaking up with me for some pathetic hurtful reason of their own making haha… ex boyfriends while in the process of becoming my exes, my family and a handful of friends are the only people on this earth who have witnessed me emotional spew via my tear ducts) I tend to become hostel or pissy or a sarcastic force of nature not to be messed with unless you feel like having your pride shoved down your throat and ripped out of your back side haha ( I’m not a physicaly violent person but verbally I’m that 6 foot 7 220lbs bully who likes to take your lunch money for sport but only if someone trully deserves it) Not a big fan of getting wha-wha sobby faced so Good Luck TLC. I apologize now for any complications my shutting down coping mechanism may cause you and if it’s any consolation I happened to be dam funny and quit entertaining when avoiding my sad emotions …………… (I literally just jazz handed and went tadah after I wrote that last sentence, it adds a bit of drama I feel)
My main concern is my Father. To be serious for a moment, this whole thing is really taking a huge toll on him and I feel absolutely horrible sometimes when I look at how gut wrenching it is for him to have to show the world his problem. He’s spent virtually his entire life in a constant state of privacy only allowing a handful of people in and now he has to air out his dirty laundry for the world to view ( well technically it’ll be my dirty laundry, well just laundry seeing as I’m, the only one in the house with out a room haha my cloths end up everywhere which is why I’m convinced I have to pack up my personal items of apparel i.e. my bras and britches and bring them to the storage unit or something or else hoarding buried alive is going to become buried alive by Krissys undies, socks and apparel and that’s just not direction I think the producers really want to go in hhahaha) the problem is, though I feel bad for him and wish I could make everything better I also can’t help but feel like saying “ Dad get over it man, we’re all in this big ol boat of junk together but you’re the Noah that put us here so enjoy the flood.” My sister and I have literally tried everything to get him to make some what of a change for the better and nothing, I mean NOTHING has worked. This Show is honestly our last hope of ever finding some shred of normality in our messed up out of control lives. I know he’ll be able to finally see that after all is said and done but until then my sister and I are silently being resented by the man for (according to his logic train of silly ) Making him do the show because it’s our fault it’s happening. He doesn’t yell or deny us anything he just retreats deeper and deeper into his world of crap and blocks us out until we make him snap out of it. It’s like when a 6 year old gets in trouble and they’re thoroughly convinced that their parents are completely unfair for punishing them but they don’t throw a tantrum because they know the punishment will just get worse so they mildly storm off to their rooms where they quietly and well behaved like plot revenge for when their older and can do whatever they want…….yeah well that’s what my dad does…… sort of ….. Nope not sort of ………….definitely that’s exactly what the old man does.
My sister’s going to have a super rough time just because 12 hour long days of tapping is absolutely not at all remotely even close to her normal half the time able to function schedule. I feel that we may have to cough up some extra scratch and get her a hotel nearby so she can at least have a somewhat haven from the crazy and a fighting chance at actual sleep…………………………it’s that you knock her the hell out every 6 hours hahaha…………. We shall figure this out; it’s what we loving sisters do while not bitching to each other about the rents or life or well, each other J
The top stress inducing concerns I have are mostly for the other members of my family and their wellbeing through all of this but I have most assuredly saved a big ol honking truck load for myself thank you very much! My biggest in your face worry is the fact that I will be seen on TV as an adult woman still living at home with her parents even though I have a job and not only do I live at home I actually choose in some sad pathetic way to accept a couch as an appropriate living area. Can you say WTF is wrong with this chick????????????????? Good, because I say it to myself almost every day hahaha…. Reality of the matter, my parents and sister have become extremely reliant upon not only my car, financial assistance and all around emotional support that leaving here any time soon would be like leaving 3 ticking time bombs next to a comp fire with a pyromaniac roasting marshmallows over the flames! It’s a shabby excuse but it’s 100 % true and explaining that to people has become out right fucking annoying. I’m always given blank stare looks of dumbfounded and the words “you just need to leave” are always sure to follow. My true hopes are that after the show we get on to the right fricken path for the first time in ever and I really and truly can “just leave” PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I’ll just need to find a roomy but that’s why god invented Craig’s list for right?)
I have faced a very sad truth though. I can safely say that being on TV and having the world know how I live is probably going to be a bit of a damper on my love life hahahha Nothing says sexy like “I live at home with my junk loving parents and my sick sister and oh yeah, I sleep on a couch in the living room with no walls for privacy other then piles of crap” ………….
Oh yeah men of this nation start drooling cause your dream girl has arrived!!!!! Hahahahaha ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh life’s gonna be a freak show for me for awhile but hey like I’ve been saying for the past month…there’s gotta be a guy out there somewhere who thinks hoarding is H.O.T j/k j/k I’m not the hoarder and anyways if there is a man out there with a hoarding fetish then he wouldn’t be eyeing me. He’d be lusting over my fathers “junk” and that’s just down right nasty if ya ask me haha well I’m off to figure out a great hiding place for my granny panties. Wish me luck my friends and pray for all of us.
Well guess what? One of those family’s is going to be my family! We begin tapping in less then 20 days……………………go ahead wrap your head around that last statement………has it sunk in yet?…….wait for it………Ah there ya go friends now your on my wave length here J Yup my big TV debut is going to be because my Fathers a Hoarder!
Whahoooooo…. All of America is going to get a front row seat into our lives and see how ridiculous our living situation is all while outsiders attempt to help break through my fathers oh so crazy lord of the crap fog that has taken over our house and resulted in daily battles with toppling piles of junk…………… Should be fun ha …..or at least highly informative and I’m hoping for the sake of my family a huge turning point in all our lives. (Fingers crossed, please please please!) If anything, I’m totally convinced that if the production crew can first make it through the front door with out running for cover, let alone four days of tapping in the abode that fights back they will be rewarded with some A1 top notch Robinson family footage that will completely open the worlds eyes up to a whole new ball of hilarious insanity. Our one shared gift amongst the Robinsons is our out there quick as whip humor and our ability to find the funny in anything. I just feel bad for the film crew because Kathryn and I tend to use sarcasm and flat out goofballness to cope with stressful situations which means when they go to tape those classic “ heartfelt I’m in pain because my fathers hoarding is killing me” scenes it might take a few tries due to our inability to stop laughing. Well, that’s not entirely true. If Kathryn is asked the right questions will she’ll start flowing out the tears like the sobbing sap ball woman she is ( In a good way Kathryn, not in a I think you’re a ridiculous sobbing mess of emotions way, but in a Kathryn is very in touch with her feelings and a sensitive caring person kind of way J I love you I love you I love you…..don’t hit me) I on the other hand only cry after a really great episode of The Biggest Loser ( I have no idea why but for some god forsaken reason I get choked up when the contestants do, it’s like I too am a 360lbs women just trying to get my life back or something hahaha ) or when I’m drunk and someone pushes the emotional buttons orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr………… when I’m so overwhelmed or hurt that I can’t hold back the tears but even then it’s rarely in front of anyone unless they catch me off guard ( or are breaking up with me for some pathetic hurtful reason of their own making haha… ex boyfriends while in the process of becoming my exes, my family and a handful of friends are the only people on this earth who have witnessed me emotional spew via my tear ducts) I tend to become hostel or pissy or a sarcastic force of nature not to be messed with unless you feel like having your pride shoved down your throat and ripped out of your back side haha ( I’m not a physicaly violent person but verbally I’m that 6 foot 7 220lbs bully who likes to take your lunch money for sport but only if someone trully deserves it) Not a big fan of getting wha-wha sobby faced so Good Luck TLC. I apologize now for any complications my shutting down coping mechanism may cause you and if it’s any consolation I happened to be dam funny and quit entertaining when avoiding my sad emotions …………… (I literally just jazz handed and went tadah after I wrote that last sentence, it adds a bit of drama I feel)
My main concern is my Father. To be serious for a moment, this whole thing is really taking a huge toll on him and I feel absolutely horrible sometimes when I look at how gut wrenching it is for him to have to show the world his problem. He’s spent virtually his entire life in a constant state of privacy only allowing a handful of people in and now he has to air out his dirty laundry for the world to view ( well technically it’ll be my dirty laundry, well just laundry seeing as I’m, the only one in the house with out a room haha my cloths end up everywhere which is why I’m convinced I have to pack up my personal items of apparel i.e. my bras and britches and bring them to the storage unit or something or else hoarding buried alive is going to become buried alive by Krissys undies, socks and apparel and that’s just not direction I think the producers really want to go in hhahaha) the problem is, though I feel bad for him and wish I could make everything better I also can’t help but feel like saying “ Dad get over it man, we’re all in this big ol boat of junk together but you’re the Noah that put us here so enjoy the flood.” My sister and I have literally tried everything to get him to make some what of a change for the better and nothing, I mean NOTHING has worked. This Show is honestly our last hope of ever finding some shred of normality in our messed up out of control lives. I know he’ll be able to finally see that after all is said and done but until then my sister and I are silently being resented by the man for (according to his logic train of silly ) Making him do the show because it’s our fault it’s happening. He doesn’t yell or deny us anything he just retreats deeper and deeper into his world of crap and blocks us out until we make him snap out of it. It’s like when a 6 year old gets in trouble and they’re thoroughly convinced that their parents are completely unfair for punishing them but they don’t throw a tantrum because they know the punishment will just get worse so they mildly storm off to their rooms where they quietly and well behaved like plot revenge for when their older and can do whatever they want…….yeah well that’s what my dad does…… sort of ….. Nope not sort of ………….definitely that’s exactly what the old man does.
My sister’s going to have a super rough time just because 12 hour long days of tapping is absolutely not at all remotely even close to her normal half the time able to function schedule. I feel that we may have to cough up some extra scratch and get her a hotel nearby so she can at least have a somewhat haven from the crazy and a fighting chance at actual sleep…………………………it’s that you knock her the hell out every 6 hours hahaha…………. We shall figure this out; it’s what we loving sisters do while not bitching to each other about the rents or life or well, each other J
The top stress inducing concerns I have are mostly for the other members of my family and their wellbeing through all of this but I have most assuredly saved a big ol honking truck load for myself thank you very much! My biggest in your face worry is the fact that I will be seen on TV as an adult woman still living at home with her parents even though I have a job and not only do I live at home I actually choose in some sad pathetic way to accept a couch as an appropriate living area. Can you say WTF is wrong with this chick????????????????? Good, because I say it to myself almost every day hahaha…. Reality of the matter, my parents and sister have become extremely reliant upon not only my car, financial assistance and all around emotional support that leaving here any time soon would be like leaving 3 ticking time bombs next to a comp fire with a pyromaniac roasting marshmallows over the flames! It’s a shabby excuse but it’s 100 % true and explaining that to people has become out right fucking annoying. I’m always given blank stare looks of dumbfounded and the words “you just need to leave” are always sure to follow. My true hopes are that after the show we get on to the right fricken path for the first time in ever and I really and truly can “just leave” PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I’ll just need to find a roomy but that’s why god invented Craig’s list for right?)
I have faced a very sad truth though. I can safely say that being on TV and having the world know how I live is probably going to be a bit of a damper on my love life hahahha Nothing says sexy like “I live at home with my junk loving parents and my sick sister and oh yeah, I sleep on a couch in the living room with no walls for privacy other then piles of crap” ………….
Oh yeah men of this nation start drooling cause your dream girl has arrived!!!!! Hahahahaha ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh life’s gonna be a freak show for me for awhile but hey like I’ve been saying for the past month…there’s gotta be a guy out there somewhere who thinks hoarding is H.O.T j/k j/k I’m not the hoarder and anyways if there is a man out there with a hoarding fetish then he wouldn’t be eyeing me. He’d be lusting over my fathers “junk” and that’s just down right nasty if ya ask me haha well I’m off to figure out a great hiding place for my granny panties. Wish me luck my friends and pray for all of us.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
A Little Mental Spew-age Before Breakfast
I'm awake before noon, on my day off and complete and utter free rein of not only the computer but the house for the next 8 hours......................WHAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........my eyes have yet to open fully and my hair is in the same disheveled mess that only a full nights rest can form it into and I'm still waiting on the coffee to brew but i shall seize this moment of unadulterated ME time and use every minute of it to finally get back to spewing my unique and whacked out views of the world I live in.
Big News and Scary Truths...........
My family problems have now snowballed into catastrophic disasters that have literally rendered us incapable of living any type of normal lives. My father is facing financial ruin due to taxes and is being bullied even worse then before by the towns lovely go F yourselves board of i don't give a poop people to get the house cleaned which is all raining down on his head like a monsoon causing him to shut down emotionally physically and mentally. Getting him to see this has become and epic battle between me, my sister and him. we've reached a standstill and have lost any real hope that our problems will ever be solved before any of us die. A bit dramatic you may say but true none the less.
Amongst all this despair and doubt something recently happened that spurred and glimmer of sunshine to gleam through the gloom. A very real, very possible chance to get some big time Help with my fathers hoarding has landed in our laps. I'm talking a cleaning task force, therapy, professional organizer and a fully functioning living environment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the big news and half of me wants to do cartwheels around my house in celebration but for fear of breaking every limb on my body I'm settling for a small one armed fist pump show of triumph..WORD! we need this help not just so we can get the place clean but because i need to feel for the first time in 8 years that my family can be safe and OK. Everyday I'm filled with anxiety over what will happen to my family when i leave.
The scary truths are in order to get this help we as a family will have to expose every little detail about our lives to the world. The life we've been living, the life my father and mother have kept hidden from everyone for over 15 years, the life I've been running from every chance i can, this life would be unmasked and put onto display for everyone to see. That scares me and makes me feel unsure about excepting the help BUT I'm out of options and will do whatever it takes to get my family the life and love it deserves. We aren't bad people, or disgusting trash. My parents aren't criminals but yet in a court of law they are labeled as such and that disgusts me beyond anything else in this world. In order to help my father we will have to hurt him in some way by forcing him to finally face his demons and I'm almost in tears just thinking about seeing my Loving Dorky kindhearted father going through the harsh reality check of how bad his disorder has disrupted our lives. The Guilt will bring him to a state of dis-spare and i won't be able to snap him out of it. I can only pray that we as a family with the help of friends can be strong enough for him and supportive enough for him to ensure that he can come out of this whole thing in one piece. I love My Crazy Junk hoarding Daddy :(
Coffee is done and I have a window display to finish..............this Def isn't my most poignant post in the history of ever but hey at least i wrote something hahaha
Big News and Scary Truths...........
My family problems have now snowballed into catastrophic disasters that have literally rendered us incapable of living any type of normal lives. My father is facing financial ruin due to taxes and is being bullied even worse then before by the towns lovely go F yourselves board of i don't give a poop people to get the house cleaned which is all raining down on his head like a monsoon causing him to shut down emotionally physically and mentally. Getting him to see this has become and epic battle between me, my sister and him. we've reached a standstill and have lost any real hope that our problems will ever be solved before any of us die. A bit dramatic you may say but true none the less.
Amongst all this despair and doubt something recently happened that spurred and glimmer of sunshine to gleam through the gloom. A very real, very possible chance to get some big time Help with my fathers hoarding has landed in our laps. I'm talking a cleaning task force, therapy, professional organizer and a fully functioning living environment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is the big news and half of me wants to do cartwheels around my house in celebration but for fear of breaking every limb on my body I'm settling for a small one armed fist pump show of triumph..WORD! we need this help not just so we can get the place clean but because i need to feel for the first time in 8 years that my family can be safe and OK. Everyday I'm filled with anxiety over what will happen to my family when i leave.
The scary truths are in order to get this help we as a family will have to expose every little detail about our lives to the world. The life we've been living, the life my father and mother have kept hidden from everyone for over 15 years, the life I've been running from every chance i can, this life would be unmasked and put onto display for everyone to see. That scares me and makes me feel unsure about excepting the help BUT I'm out of options and will do whatever it takes to get my family the life and love it deserves. We aren't bad people, or disgusting trash. My parents aren't criminals but yet in a court of law they are labeled as such and that disgusts me beyond anything else in this world. In order to help my father we will have to hurt him in some way by forcing him to finally face his demons and I'm almost in tears just thinking about seeing my Loving Dorky kindhearted father going through the harsh reality check of how bad his disorder has disrupted our lives. The Guilt will bring him to a state of dis-spare and i won't be able to snap him out of it. I can only pray that we as a family with the help of friends can be strong enough for him and supportive enough for him to ensure that he can come out of this whole thing in one piece. I love My Crazy Junk hoarding Daddy :(
Coffee is done and I have a window display to finish..............this Def isn't my most poignant post in the history of ever but hey at least i wrote something hahaha
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Time to get real
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HOARDERS WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My first entry shall be about the one thing that has engulfed and taken over my life for the past 20 years, Hording! I'm not a hoarder , thank what ever being may be up there looking down upon us in some way maybe influencing our small little lives, but my father and mother are. I grew up in a home consumed by clutter, chaos and stupid stuff. After 20 years of collecting the crap has finally taken over and is beginning to fight back! I'm writing about this because there isn't a person in my world who can actually understand or relate to the overwhelming soul crushing impact this disorder has caused for not only myself but also my sister, nor do they understand the daily battle we must endure just to stay alive. It is for this reason I've decided to speak my mind no matter how jumbled and at times random my thoughts may be.
I've let some people in to my world of crap but have yet to really explain what it is i'm facing thanks to my parents dissorder. In two months my dad could be thrown in jail and my house could be ceased by the town which would leave me and my family homeless and well frankly dead! I QUIT! I've tried to see a bright side but when your only means of support is an ailing sister and the two people who caused the problem in the first place, bright sides tend to dissapear into the ether only to be seen by people who don't have to move 5 boxes of miscelanious tools and bottle caps just to get to the cabbinet for a bottle of ranch dressing. (Ranch dressing, swiss cheese, Bacon and vitamin waters are like crack to me)
Recently steps have been taken to improve our situation but after years of being surrounded by this dysfuction i find myself broken and seriously damaged emotionally and physically. ( piles of crap falling on you tends to hurt haha) I now need to find a way to make peace with my resentment of a lost childhood of stability and normalcy and find a way to move on to the next stage of MY LIFE, not my family's. I'm going to use this blog as a means to face and disscus every issue my family and i run into along the tedious and tramaltious journey we've been taking all in the hopes of reaching our final destionation HEALEDVILLE USA.
I just wish i had a GPS to tell me how to get there lol
I've let some people in to my world of crap but have yet to really explain what it is i'm facing thanks to my parents dissorder. In two months my dad could be thrown in jail and my house could be ceased by the town which would leave me and my family homeless and well frankly dead! I QUIT! I've tried to see a bright side but when your only means of support is an ailing sister and the two people who caused the problem in the first place, bright sides tend to dissapear into the ether only to be seen by people who don't have to move 5 boxes of miscelanious tools and bottle caps just to get to the cabbinet for a bottle of ranch dressing. (Ranch dressing, swiss cheese, Bacon and vitamin waters are like crack to me)
Recently steps have been taken to improve our situation but after years of being surrounded by this dysfuction i find myself broken and seriously damaged emotionally and physically. ( piles of crap falling on you tends to hurt haha) I now need to find a way to make peace with my resentment of a lost childhood of stability and normalcy and find a way to move on to the next stage of MY LIFE, not my family's. I'm going to use this blog as a means to face and disscus every issue my family and i run into along the tedious and tramaltious journey we've been taking all in the hopes of reaching our final destionation HEALEDVILLE USA.
I just wish i had a GPS to tell me how to get there lol
When good gifts go wrong
I recently discovered that I have a talent for making super fun decorations and window displays out of paper :)
Because of the amount of time and energy I spent cutting everything out by hand my loving family decided that this year for x-mass they would buy me a brand spanking new Cricut :)
This, thanks to the hoarders that be, is the amount of space i have alotted for me to actually work on my crafts. FYI that would be the floor of my living room aka my bedroom :(
This is my couch/bed / nook of love/ hobbit hole.... any wonder i'm single??? i think not ! moving on..................................................................................................................
A bit disappointed and a whole hell of alot pissed I walked back into my den of solitude, placed my cutting buddy back on the floor and gave up crafting for today :( But worry not my friends I amused myself with one of my favorite past times ..............................
Oh yes that is a child sized squeeze box and oh yes I do play it (not well ) and frankly it's ridiculousness puts a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart hahaha Like i said everyday in my house is a battle or struggle just to live normally to some extent so how do you cope? You learn to appreciate the small things and develop a very very very good sense of humor :)
Because of the amount of time and energy I spent cutting everything out by hand my loving family decided that this year for x-mass they would buy me a brand spanking new Cricut :)
This thing is like the Mr.t of paper crafting and even though i've yet to figure out what everything does I absolutely love the darn thing but.......................There's one problem with the practicality of this sweet machine.................................
This, thanks to the hoarders that be, is the amount of space i have alotted for me to actually work on my crafts. FYI that would be the floor of my living room aka my bedroom :(
This is my couch/bed / nook of love/ hobbit hole.... any wonder i'm single??? i think not ! moving on..................................................................................................................well as you can see my new gadget is literaly 2/3 the size of the space i need to use it in. Now as for my craft supplies, seeing as I have no closet or cubby holes or anything that might act as an easily accesable form of storage I am reduced to keeping all my paper and doo dads like this..............
Go ahead find the paper amungst the jumbled mess of what?? I dare you haha :) well in hopes of maybe using the kitchen table as my crafting refuge I ventured out to the kitchen, Cricut in hand only to be met with this sight of ughhhhhhh.......................................
A bit disappointed and a whole hell of alot pissed I walked back into my den of solitude, placed my cutting buddy back on the floor and gave up crafting for today :( But worry not my friends I amused myself with one of my favorite past times ..............................
Oh yes that is a child sized squeeze box and oh yes I do play it (not well ) and frankly it's ridiculousness puts a smile on my face and a giggle in my heart hahaha Like i said everyday in my house is a battle or struggle just to live normally to some extent so how do you cope? You learn to appreciate the small things and develop a very very very good sense of humor :)
solo on v-day not as bad as i thought :)
Valentines Day
Wow just when you thought it was safe to be content with your singleness BAM! Valentines Day explodes all over the place surrounding you in a nauseating pink red and white colored world of hearts, cards, teddy bears and roses. Everything you see and hear is constant reminder that you are all alone. Surprisingly, I neither resent nor embrace the Valentines spirit this year. I'm pretty much neutral in the emotional department lately. For the sake of saving some time energy and blog space I'll just cut to the chase. A month ago I had someone special in my life but he felt I wasn't special enough to hang onto sooooooo he Dumped Me. Personally, I think his true motives behind the breakup was just a clever plot to avoid having to buy me a ten pound box of chocolates, but my sisters says he isn't capable of planning that far ahead. haha You may be asking yourselves "Is she sitting at her computer boo hooing over her recent loss of companionship?"..... Hell's Mofoing NO!!! Shit happens, you move on, get over it and figure out a better way to fend off the next fool with a penis and a short attention span who tries to, as i like to say "get all up on your awesome."
Wow after i was able to properly process everything he had to say the only response i could come up with in my head was " I Call BULL SHIT!" HaHaHa I still think this but refuse to even waste any more time or energy on even thinking about why. Like i said before shit happens, you move on. My life is chock full of crap already i really didn't need to add to it but oh well i took a gamble. I wish i knew what the hell i was betting on before i put my chips down. haha Ohhhhhhh Crazy Cakes ( that's what i dubbed him in my mind lol cute right?) what a great grand epic Friendship we could of had. One day he'll figure it out, unfortunately I'll never get to see his ahha moment of duh. One can only hope that me losing respect for him will somehow karmicly hit him in the subconscious causing him to think before he does the same thing to someone else. I'm sending those vibes out now.................don't be a prick....................don't think with your penis................ ............ ...........................When you start something finish it...................................Don't assume you know everything about a person..................................................learn how to see the difference between being attached and just enjoying someones company........................................................................call someone when they ask you tooooo ! hahahaha.............................My point has been made :)
I must go prepare for my night of friends and folly. My Valentines Day shall be spent with a group of people who truly do love and respect me. They are my security blanket when life gets me down. They are my shoulder to cry on when i can't hold the tears in anymore. They are my punching bag when my anger is threatening to overwhelm me and they are everything i need in this world. I love them all and don't have to get naked with them to show it hahaha Happy Valentines Day :) Hope you spend it with someone you really love or care about and don't forget the chocolate! It is a Must :)
Father my Dear, Time to cut back on the Loco!
It wasn’t until the other night I realized, any real adult communication with my father is becoming a dam near impossible task to accomplish . Truth is, the sheer rage inducing frustration with my family situation has resulted in me finding any and everything I possibly can to distract me or prevent me from interacting with my father, mother and sometimes sister. Dad has collecting crap and sorting as a copping mechanism for stress I have Zelda and random craft projects haha to each his own right? I’ve managed to ignore the reality of our situation for awhile but now our ability to retain a basic level of sanity for longer then an hour is drasticly been compromised ,I’ve decided to tune back into our dysfunctional life. Unfortunately, my father isn’t ready to join me (SHOCKER)The man has done gone lost his marbles completely (they’re probably under a pile of 10 year old recites or railroad DVDS) The easiest way to describe the extent of my fathers lunacy is to simply write for you a little play I like to call
Don’t you grumble at me Lord of the Crap!
The play is a one act, reenactment of the conversation I had with my father the other night. Picture it…… My kitchen, father sitting at the computer, me making some nosh before bed………….I’m standing in front of the open fridge searching for my dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets ( biting their heads of makes me smile something fierce haha) while telling my father about the issues I was having with my cricut…the machine he bought me for x-mass……….he was obsessively scanning e-bay for crap to add to the collection and oh yeah, not listening one iota to anything I was saying………………….
Me- “hey dad where’s my dino nuggets?”
(no answer)
Me - “Yo pops McGee did someone eat my nugs?”
Dad - “Huh what…No they should be in there.”
(5 mins later I locate them on the bottom shelf, hiding thanks to being wedge atop 4 other items. To extract them from their chilled home required lifting the entire shelf above them off it’s brackets with one hand while quickly grabbing the package with the other. I then had to replace the shelf and then get off the floor. Father didn’t turn around once. I stand up grab my nuggets of yum and toss them on the counter. Next stop freezer. Mama needs her some sides for the dino treats.)
Me- “don’t worry dad, I found them. Sorry if the shelf falls though. Haha”
Dad- “uhhah”
( I roll my eyes then continue my quest for nourishment. The freezer is jammed packed with every frozen veggi, rice dish, tv dinner, and ice cream you can imagine which is usually what I do, just imagine, because getting any of these items out would cause a frozen food avalanche I’m not willing to jigsaw puzzle back into place. Yes I play jenga when getting nummies from the fridge and freezer. What? You thought hoarding was just crap around the house? Ha HA! No my friend, It’s EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...... moving on……….. Of course the item I select, due to it’s convenient location directly in front, seemed like an easy enough grab but alas it somehow caused an epic shift amongst the other items surrounding it. The door now won’t close.)
Me- “aww man what the fudge von fripple frap is this shit about?”
( I’m now forced to figure out a solution to a problem that shouldn’t be an issue, yet again. My only thought now is “I just wanted some foodL” My mind is mush by this point after having worked all day and paper crafted all night.(yes I’m a pathetic geek I know) The only action I can think of is keep squishing the door closed, hoping it eventually latches shut. Halfheartedly I begin to implement this plan of attack. Haha ingenious I thought but, my father did not agree. Instantly, his spidey senses flared up causing him to turn around and asses my predicament. I’m convinced that Dad is so in tuned with his stuff that the crap sends out a distress call only he can hear whenever it feels disturbed or threatened. Mr. fixit stirred from his chair and deemed the matter worthy of his attention….what a pal…I walk away from the freezer allowing Pops ample enough room to rectify the situation)
Me- “ I thought we had rice in there?”
Dad- “grumble huff”
(I hear the sound of 4 frozen dinners cascading to the floor)
“ oh come on”
Me- “ I just grabbed one thing, sorry”
Dad- “ yeah, yeah”
( He was giving me tude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He boobie traps the dam freezer and when it goes off, boom! He blames me for not getting the one item out properly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been down this road before though so I was ready with my defense, quicker then a humming bird, in the spring, looking for a flower……. What kind of metaphor is that? Of man I’m losing it, my B ya‘ll my B.. )
Me- ( in a calm somewhat sarcastic voice I reply) “ Whoa there cranky pants, I wasn’t the one who put them in there like that, tiger ol pal.”
Dad- yup yup I know Krissy I know it was me blah blah blah”
(He actually said the blah blah blah part, out loud, all snotty like and pissy face like! What?????…….I laughed and continued on with my meal preparation while he finished re-trapping the frozen wasteland)
Me- “Don’t get all crabass with me because I’m telling you the truth. hahaha It’s not that big of deal anyways”
Dad- “Whatever you say yup yup uhhah”
(You know when I child throws a hissy fit and puts his hands over his ears and yells “ I not listening I not listening!”, well this is my fathers version. It usually consists of one syllable words repeated over and over again until I or anyone else who decides to point out an example of his disorder, shuts up. I start laughing even harder and a bit louder too boot.)
Me- “ Dad it’s cool man, chillaxe, I’m not here to judge your frozen food stacking skills. It’s your house old dude. Put the snap peas where ever you’d like haha”
Dad- “Thanks smartass grumble grumble…”
(He returns to his chair and internet world of “what the fuck do I need more junk for!” eBay thus resuming his perfected ignoring of my existence.)
Me- “ Well father I was given this gift by you and mom so frankly, getting mad at me is really getting mad at yourself for making me and is that a nice thing to think about your sweet adorable daughter who loves you so much?” ( The genes I inherited also gave me some pretty long eyelashes that always make my pain in the ass, little girl comments of “Don‘t mess with me daddy dearest” complete teehee)
Dad- (Under his breath and barely audible he decided to grumble to himself, I can only make out a few words) “ mumble……daughter……..me………..whatever……..grumble”
( I dropped the subject after that and ventured on to some healthy conversation.)
Me- “Did you give Kath money?”
Dad- “yeah”
Me- “She flipped when she saw the skull thing I made with the cricut.”
Dad- (in dazed state of crap euphoria he has now reverted to what I like to call the bobble head position. This is where he nods, ever so slightly yes and mumbles words of agreement to whatever you say to him…….) “yup sure did”
(This continues until my dino nuggets are done heating in the microwave. I finish my random questioning session with a real test for his attention.)
Me- “ yum I heart these little buggers. Which reminds me I think it’s about time I get knocked up and start a family. I’m going to cruise the bars this weekend. Fingers crossed prince good for sperm could be out there just waiting.”
Dad- “ uhhuh, yeah that’s……. (pause)……..(a brief moment of confusion is seen but then gone as fast as it came) yeah those chicken nuggets are good.”
(Curtain falls, THE END)
Hahahahahhahahahah ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how I love my Father but the man is testing my ever loving patience. If anyone’s got an idea on how to break through is OCD bubble that doesn’t involve physical violence or a megaphone please feel free to share.
Don’t you grumble at me Lord of the Crap!
The play is a one act, reenactment of the conversation I had with my father the other night. Picture it…… My kitchen, father sitting at the computer, me making some nosh before bed………….I’m standing in front of the open fridge searching for my dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets ( biting their heads of makes me smile something fierce haha) while telling my father about the issues I was having with my cricut…the machine he bought me for x-mass……….he was obsessively scanning e-bay for crap to add to the collection and oh yeah, not listening one iota to anything I was saying………………….
Me- “hey dad where’s my dino nuggets?”
(no answer)
Me - “Yo pops McGee did someone eat my nugs?”
Dad - “Huh what…No they should be in there.”
(5 mins later I locate them on the bottom shelf, hiding thanks to being wedge atop 4 other items. To extract them from their chilled home required lifting the entire shelf above them off it’s brackets with one hand while quickly grabbing the package with the other. I then had to replace the shelf and then get off the floor. Father didn’t turn around once. I stand up grab my nuggets of yum and toss them on the counter. Next stop freezer. Mama needs her some sides for the dino treats.)
Me- “don’t worry dad, I found them. Sorry if the shelf falls though. Haha”
Dad- “uhhah”
( I roll my eyes then continue my quest for nourishment. The freezer is jammed packed with every frozen veggi, rice dish, tv dinner, and ice cream you can imagine which is usually what I do, just imagine, because getting any of these items out would cause a frozen food avalanche I’m not willing to jigsaw puzzle back into place. Yes I play jenga when getting nummies from the fridge and freezer. What? You thought hoarding was just crap around the house? Ha HA! No my friend, It’s EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...... moving on……….. Of course the item I select, due to it’s convenient location directly in front, seemed like an easy enough grab but alas it somehow caused an epic shift amongst the other items surrounding it. The door now won’t close.)
Me- “aww man what the fudge von fripple frap is this shit about?”
( I’m now forced to figure out a solution to a problem that shouldn’t be an issue, yet again. My only thought now is “I just wanted some foodL” My mind is mush by this point after having worked all day and paper crafted all night.(yes I’m a pathetic geek I know) The only action I can think of is keep squishing the door closed, hoping it eventually latches shut. Halfheartedly I begin to implement this plan of attack. Haha ingenious I thought but, my father did not agree. Instantly, his spidey senses flared up causing him to turn around and asses my predicament. I’m convinced that Dad is so in tuned with his stuff that the crap sends out a distress call only he can hear whenever it feels disturbed or threatened. Mr. fixit stirred from his chair and deemed the matter worthy of his attention….what a pal…I walk away from the freezer allowing Pops ample enough room to rectify the situation)
Me- “ I thought we had rice in there?”
Dad- “grumble huff”
(I hear the sound of 4 frozen dinners cascading to the floor)
“ oh come on”
Me- “ I just grabbed one thing, sorry”
Dad- “ yeah, yeah”
( He was giving me tude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He boobie traps the dam freezer and when it goes off, boom! He blames me for not getting the one item out properly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ve been down this road before though so I was ready with my defense, quicker then a humming bird, in the spring, looking for a flower……. What kind of metaphor is that? Of man I’m losing it, my B ya‘ll my B.. )
Me- ( in a calm somewhat sarcastic voice I reply) “ Whoa there cranky pants, I wasn’t the one who put them in there like that, tiger ol pal.”
Dad- yup yup I know Krissy I know it was me blah blah blah”
(He actually said the blah blah blah part, out loud, all snotty like and pissy face like! What?????…….I laughed and continued on with my meal preparation while he finished re-trapping the frozen wasteland)
Me- “Don’t get all crabass with me because I’m telling you the truth. hahaha It’s not that big of deal anyways”
Dad- “Whatever you say yup yup uhhah”
(You know when I child throws a hissy fit and puts his hands over his ears and yells “ I not listening I not listening!”, well this is my fathers version. It usually consists of one syllable words repeated over and over again until I or anyone else who decides to point out an example of his disorder, shuts up. I start laughing even harder and a bit louder too boot.)
Me- “ Dad it’s cool man, chillaxe, I’m not here to judge your frozen food stacking skills. It’s your house old dude. Put the snap peas where ever you’d like haha”
Dad- “Thanks smartass grumble grumble…”
(He returns to his chair and internet world of “what the fuck do I need more junk for!” eBay thus resuming his perfected ignoring of my existence.)
Me- “ Well father I was given this gift by you and mom so frankly, getting mad at me is really getting mad at yourself for making me and is that a nice thing to think about your sweet adorable daughter who loves you so much?” ( The genes I inherited also gave me some pretty long eyelashes that always make my pain in the ass, little girl comments of “Don‘t mess with me daddy dearest” complete teehee)
Dad- (Under his breath and barely audible he decided to grumble to himself, I can only make out a few words) “ mumble……daughter……..me………..whatever……..grumble”
( I dropped the subject after that and ventured on to some healthy conversation.)
Me- “Did you give Kath money?”
Dad- “yeah”
Me- “She flipped when she saw the skull thing I made with the cricut.”
Dad- (in dazed state of crap euphoria he has now reverted to what I like to call the bobble head position. This is where he nods, ever so slightly yes and mumbles words of agreement to whatever you say to him…….) “yup sure did”
(This continues until my dino nuggets are done heating in the microwave. I finish my random questioning session with a real test for his attention.)
Me- “ yum I heart these little buggers. Which reminds me I think it’s about time I get knocked up and start a family. I’m going to cruise the bars this weekend. Fingers crossed prince good for sperm could be out there just waiting.”
Dad- “ uhhuh, yeah that’s……. (pause)……..(a brief moment of confusion is seen but then gone as fast as it came) yeah those chicken nuggets are good.”
(Curtain falls, THE END)
Hahahahahhahahahah ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how I love my Father but the man is testing my ever loving patience. If anyone’s got an idea on how to break through is OCD bubble that doesn’t involve physical violence or a megaphone please feel free to share.
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